So do we chose to destroy the ego? We think we want something, and we fall into the illusion that we and our ego are one and the same. It really is me that wants, rather than something less visible

When we first begin the journey of self-discovery, we discover that we have been under an illusion, that there appears to be a less visible ‘operator’ pulling our strings and pushing our buttons. We recognise this thing. We give it a name – the ego, the devil, Mephistopheles, Belial, the incubus. Guiltily, we say we are bad, or sinful or that we have done ‘a bad bad thing.’ We then set out in earnest to destroy this demon within. What we are yet to learn is that the ego is itself an illusion. The ego operates at the centre of our conscious mind. It is only the hub of the wheel which, when the wheel is turning, appears to exist. It is the axis or centre around which our mindbody oscillates. It is nothing more than a ‘construct’ or an emergent property of the mindbody continuum, created by a synthesis of our bodily urges, our instinctual drives and interpersonal needs. It is like a bicycle, which only operates by turning the pedals, under the influence of centrifugal forces and momentum. When we stop, it no longer works. A spinning propeller on small aircraft gives an illusion that the propellers are turning slower or moving backwards when they are actually spinning extremely fast. The ego is the backward moving, rapidly blurred image, a widdershins of illusion. What is actually spinning is not the ego, but the mind. It is the altered image or ego which appears to be moving slower, in a forward direction.

            The ego can be likened in another way to a mirage of water - an oasis - which we see shimmering in the distance as we walk through a desert. The mirage is a visual phenomenon, and we interpret it as something we want to see – water. We see the oasis in the desert as a reflection of what would be our salvation (a drink of cool water, or to lie under a shady palm tree). The mirage is something which we have longed for during our existence in the desert. It provides the illusion that it is capable of sustaining our journey or even saving us from the constant thirst of our efforts. But as we all know, chasing after mirages, or attempting to destroy them, is pointless. No sooner do we get to them, they disappear, or reappear further away. The ego, and the mirages it throws up before our mind’s eye, are just products of our personal environment. It is the shimmering light of hope reflecting off the heat of our emotions. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Mirages do. But they have no substance, any more than an ‘idea’ has substance. A mirage of salvation was powerful enough for Paul to transform himself on the road to Damascus. In Acts 22, it is said he saw a vision, and heard Jesus, who asked him to stop persecuting the Christians. He had persecuted Christians all of his life and now a vision transformed that journey. Paul’s vision on the road to Damascus was, to him, real. His ears and eyes did not lie. Mirages are also real, yet have no existence beyond our concept of them. It is only in our mind and through our senses (ears, eyes, nose, etc) that anything can exist. Realising the ego as a mirage and nothing else is the only way of successfully negotiating the journey of inner discovery. When there are no mirages, we see ourselves as a traveller on a journey. Which is why, ultimately, we should be like children, seeing everything as new, and seeing it with curious awe and wonderment. It is the elemental part of ourselves, our instincts, imprints, our inner conscience, and emotional states, that define what we are. Seeing through them as mirages allows us to walk the walk; to not be nihilistic in seeing everything as pointless but as being constantly renewed. That here and now is where we are meant to be; that there is no journeyman, only the journey.